I'm working tonight on a longer post about supporting someone with a mental illness (hopefully to be up soon), but there is a jubilant, victorious wind blowing through my mind that I must acknowledge. And actually, this does have a lot to do with support.
Someone dear gave me a wide and generous complement today. It gave me the extra boost to make this evening's challenge less heavy. She told me I was brave. Everyone has fears she said, but most people can ignore them. J faces hers every day. Her words warmed and strengthened me, and then...
...I cooked hamburger for supper! Heh heh. And I did it with no OCD behaviors. Or at least very few. I've been working up to this high bridge-walk for a long time. My psychologist and I decided that this was the week, and I am to cook hamburger every night for four or five nights. Tonight was the first. It was hard, but the shaking and the crying and the paralysis didn't happen this time. Whew. And Jem was proud of me. That felt so good. And Lily-girl DEVOURED the stuff, with obvious pleasure. That felt good too.
I find I am enjoying myself, despite my fear. Another quick little anecdote before I sign off:
Last week I went to a visiting author's lecture at the downtown library. A special treat made possible by Jem, who stayed home and put our girl to bed all by himself. I sat next to a fellow who, I learned, was doing his PhD in English--of all things (imagine sitting next to someone who tells you they own a chocolate-making business). He asked me what I did. I don't think I had been asked that question before, and I don't think my next words had yet passed my lips:
"I'm a mom."
I found I said it with pride, and felt just the same as if I had modestly confessed to being a rocket scientist and a computer programmer in my spare time.
It's no big deal. I'm really good at it. ;-)
Someone dear gave me a wide and generous complement today. It gave me the extra boost to make this evening's challenge less heavy. She told me I was brave. Everyone has fears she said, but most people can ignore them. J faces hers every day. Her words warmed and strengthened me, and then...
...I cooked hamburger for supper! Heh heh. And I did it with no OCD behaviors. Or at least very few. I've been working up to this high bridge-walk for a long time. My psychologist and I decided that this was the week, and I am to cook hamburger every night for four or five nights. Tonight was the first. It was hard, but the shaking and the crying and the paralysis didn't happen this time. Whew. And Jem was proud of me. That felt so good. And Lily-girl DEVOURED the stuff, with obvious pleasure. That felt good too.
I find I am enjoying myself, despite my fear. Another quick little anecdote before I sign off:
Last week I went to a visiting author's lecture at the downtown library. A special treat made possible by Jem, who stayed home and put our girl to bed all by himself. I sat next to a fellow who, I learned, was doing his PhD in English--of all things (imagine sitting next to someone who tells you they own a chocolate-making business). He asked me what I did. I don't think I had been asked that question before, and I don't think my next words had yet passed my lips:
"I'm a mom."
I found I said it with pride, and felt just the same as if I had modestly confessed to being a rocket scientist and a computer programmer in my spare time.
It's no big deal. I'm really good at it. ;-)
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