Why oh why

Writing last week’s post on resolutions got me thinking, “Why would anyone need/ want to read my resolutions?”

Well, for the same reason you would want to read any of my blog posts: because they're brilliant, of course! No actually, this blog is about fostering mental health, and one of the skills that contributes to mental health is being able to set and work towards goals (resolutions), and celebrate achievements. If you read my last post, you know I’m not talking stereotypical New Year’s resolutions that begin with great intentions, no way of measuring success, and a sense of failure before you’ve turned the January page on your calendar. I’m talking SMART goals, with a huge measure of grace for yourself when (not if) you fall off the bandwagon periodically. Those kinds of goals will give you purpose and a sense of accomplishment as you take each measurable step. Several of the resolutions I chose for myself also had to do with practices that will strengthen my mental health--and could do the same for yours too.

But setting and working towards goals is just one of a set of skills that I’ve learned are critical to recovery and maintaining mental health. In some of my posts this year, I’ll be talking about those skills, and the “workouts” I’ve used to strengthen myself in these areas. The process of recovery is so complex, and different for everyone, but I do think it can be helpful to hear what it was like for someone else--I know I so appreciated hearing from a friend of mine who struggled with OCD in her first pregnancy, and survived--fully recovered!

I thought this would be a good time to review the purpose of this blog and my plans for this year's entries. I know I have not been a regular blogger, but one of my resolutions is to write more, and I intend for this blog to be a large part of that writing.

First I'll just review the purpose of this blog. Please note that while I have consulted Christie on this post, I do not claim to speak for her. You can read about Christie's original intent for the blog in this post, and you'll find we are on a very similar page. I'm sure both of our intents have changed a little over time though, which is why I thought I'd post about the whys again. Since Christie now has TWO lovely girls--see her post here!--you will likely be hearing from me a little more often than from her.

Here are my reasons for writing this blog:

-Finding my voice. I love writing, and I want to learn to write better.

-Helping myself. Writing helps me process and retain what I learn. I’ve learned so much through the process of recovery, and I sure don’t want to forget it--it came at quite a cost!

-Helping you. I want you to know that if you or a loved one are going through a struggle with mental illness, you are not alone. I hope you can learn the easy way a little of what I’ve learned the hard way. And I want you to know that if you have any questions, or just want to talk, I'm here.

By the way, a little note about the comment section. It is available, but we have chosen to screen comments before they get published. This gives us a chance to go over them and delete ones that we deem unhelpful. We decided to do this while we were both still in very fragile emotional states, so that Christie could read the comments on my posts before I did and vice-versa, in case there was anything that could be really upsetting. We'll keep it that way now because it gives you the chance to ask questions or comment privately. Just let us know in the comment that you want to keep it private, and we can respond without publishing your comment. You may need to give us an e-mail address or some way to respond to you if you don't want us to answer in a public comment or blog post!

Now on to what I plan to write about this year. As I said, I’ll be talking about my recovery process, and skills I’ve learned that should be useful for anyone. But I’m also planning to touch on a wide variety of subjects pertaining to mental health. I’ve read a few books on the subject along the way, so I’ll do some book reviews for you. I have a post started on the language we use to talk about mental illnesses, and what that says about our attitude towards them. And I have a germ of an idea (whoops, no pun intended that time) for a series on what OCD has taught me--not what I’ve learned by recovering, but what OCD itself has taught me.

One of the issues surrounding mental illness that fascinates me most is a bit theological, but I hope some of you might appreciate reading about my musings on the relation between sin and sickness. A lot of mental illnesses lead to actions and attitudes that many Christians would label as “sinful.” But is it sin if you have a mental illness? Does a person need to repent for having a mental illness? (Sneak peak and reassurance: I think the answer is no, but...) Stay tuned!

Although not directly related to perinatal mental health, I’ll probably find a way to slip in some posts about passions I’ve recently discovered that are putting purpose back into my life post-depression: fair trade, minimalism, fostering community, and cloth diapering! Who would have thought someone with OCD would end up cloth diapering her toddler? ;-) Let me say right away however, I will not be arguing for these passions to be everyone’s passions--or way of life. I know they aren’t for everyone. But I do want to remove false barriers to them, like ones that used to be up in my own life.

Through it all, there will be stories and pictures from my daily life, quotations from other authors I’ve been reading, songs, and maybe a few poems. I’ve found grace to be a major theme in my life, and I expect it will be a dominant theme in these posts.

If any of this sounds interesting to you, please stop by again soon; I’ll be posting. And if you have any questions at all, or topics you would like me to address, please leave a comment here on the blog or on my Facebook page. Thanks so much for reading, friends!

"Let me tell you a secret..."

"I hereby resolve"--J

It’s a new year, it’s a new day!

I’ve been thinking a lot about New Year’s resolutions lately--please don’t groan. I know everyone else and their dog and their dog’s nephew’s cousin (do dogs have cousins and nephews? I guess they must) are writing about New Year’s resolutions. I realize New Year's resolutions are extremely cliché. I know that if you’ve made any of your own in some previous, more idealistic life, you’ve inevitably been frustrated and depressed by the whole thing. And then of course there’s the stereotypical New Year’s resolution like “I’m gonna get fit,” which turns out to be un-measurable and unachievable (let’s go back to grade 10 CALM class, or whatever they called that ‘life skills’ class at your school: a goal must be specific and measurable, etc. etc.--remember SMART?) Even if your goals are “SMART,” you’ll often go through periods of failure and frustration because, guess what, you’re human!

No resolution should be sold without batteries of grace: if at first you don’t succeed, forgive, forgive, forgive yourself. It’s a simple concept, but very hard to actually practice for those of us with a tendency to perfectionism and negative thinking. You know that grace you give your best friend, when she is late again, or does that really annoying thing with her napkin? You turn a blind eye or you gently tease, but mainly you forgive. Kindness. Patience. Give that to yourself. I’m learning that failure isn’t a reason to punish myself, rather, it’s a chance to re-evaluate what I am doing and my priorities. Sometimes, I need to change something about my time management or efficiency in order to get it done. Sometimes, it’s the priority I’ve placed that might need to be down-shifted a little, if only for a time.

Resolutions help me focus on the big picture. I am a detail-oriented person; I tend to get  sidetracked by details and forget the whole point  for the details in the first place. “Can’t see the forest for the trees” type thing. Doing research projects in school, I would spend weeks “researching,” aka. chasing bunny trails through mountainous stacks of books. I’d find myself with just a day--or night--left to actually write the paper, and with nothing but bunny trails that didn’t fit with the path I’d initially chosen for my paper. So I developed a strategy to keep myself from getting “lost in the forest,” so to speak. I would set my alarm for thirty minutes or so while I was researching, and when the alarm went off, I’d take a few minutes to stand up, stretch, get some air into my head, and remind myself of my goals for the paper. If I didn’t set my alarm, I’d come up with all sorts of excuses for why I couldn’t stop at the half hour, or I would ignore the clock, or just lose track of time. I had to force myself to get out of detail-mode for a minute and review the big picture.

One important note, however. Resolutions themselves are not the big picture. After reviewing the big picture, I think about all the itty-bitty steps I need to take to get there, and then go after that first itty, bitty step. That’s a resolution--resolving to take the first step. And I’m talking itty-bitty baby steps here, people. You can always make a bigger goal later, once you’ve managed the first step.

I realize some people think resolutions shouldn’t be relegated to one day of the year only, and I agree. I’m not saying to make goals only on New Year’s day. But New Year’s is just a great, logical, albeit arbitrary time to “set your alarm,” take a break, take some time to think about the big picture, and make some real, SMART goals!

Here are a few of mine:

I hereby resolve:

that when I wake up in the morning dreading the day and wishing I didn’t have to get out of my lovely warm, safe bed (OK, so I’m NOT a morning person), I will set my mind instead on the possibilities the day offers for God to provide abundant life;

that I will mindfully enjoy what I am given in life, just for the sake of enjoyment, knowing that it is for enjoyment that God has given it. Once a day I will taste, smell, look at, listen to or just snuggle something or someone I love, just for the pure enjoyment of it, mindfully paying attention to the gratitude that wells up in my heart (or doesn’t--I know it won’t always, and that’s OK too.)

When my mind leaps to assume blame (whether my own or others’), I will slow down and tell myself: “Don’t assume bad intentions.” It’s pretty rare that the intentions are really bad, and easier to forgive when I assume the best.

I will use my "alarm" principle monthly, weekly, daily, even hourly on bad days(!), either by setting an actual alarm or a calendar appointment, e-mail reminder, weekly routine, etc. I will take 5, 10, 15 minutes to review goals and priorities, and keep the Main Thing the Main Thing.

to simplify my life by getting rid of useless and un-beautiful objects, activities and thoughts. I will start by taking--or just setting aside--one bag of stuff to a thrift store once every week.

to just write, every day if possible, and not care if it comes out wrong sometimes. That’s what editing is for!

that when--not if--I fail in the above, I will serve myself a heaping helping of grace. Help yourself, too.