Like I mentioned before, I got a headache the week I was hospitalized. I really do believe that this was one of the major stresses that made staying at home impossible. I've had these headaches since I was little. They tend to come when the weather is changing (spring and fall) and last for several weeks. They aren't continuous, but rather I'll get 8 or more a day that last for 30 minutes to several hours with headache-less breaks in between. Previous to baby N. I would hole myself away for the worst of my headache days and function at a low, but manageable level. Doctors always told me they were "stress" headaches - because school starts in the fall, so I must be stressed, and exams are in the spring, another stressor. I've known for a long time that they can't possibly be stress headaches, but try telling that to a doctor. Luckily for me there was a family medicine resident working with my psychiatrist who seemed to take a particular interest in my case. He spent two hours with me gathering my history and symptoms. After doing a bit of research, he suggested trying Indomethacin, a powerful non-steroidal anti-inflammatory (NSAID) kind of like ibuprofen. I was skeptical, to be honest. I'd tried ibuprofen, usually to no avail, and I'd also had Toradol (another NSAID) during my time in the hospital that also did very little to help my headache. But with the first dose of Indomethacin I noticed a significant improvement in my headache. I woke up a few times that night, thinking to myself "Hey! I don't have a headache! That's kind of awesome!" The next morning I found the resident and thanked him wholeheartedly for this wonder drug. Later he told me he didn't think it would work. He told me he was trying to rule out some really rare headache types that respond particularly well to Indomethacin. He made a provisional diagnosis of Paroxysmal Hemicrania. I never imagined getting such a good treatment, let alone a diagnosis, but honestly I don't really care what they call it, so long as I can function at home.
Getting my headaches treated was wonderful, but there were other things that helped greatly during that time. For one thing, my mom came to help out while I was in the hospital. A. had to be working so it was so nice to know that my baby was being well taken care of by someone I trusted while I was away. And she was amazing. N. loves her grandma, and by the end of the week would reach for her, even if I was in the room (that hurts a little, Babe!). My mom would bring N. to me twice a day to nurse and visit and did an amazing job of making me feel loved and cared for and a little less guilty.
N. was a little light in my day. I looked forward to seeing her, which was a nice feeling. Often, in the evenings I would still get anxious, I would dread going home and I would feel like taking care of her by myself would always be impossible. But I loved those visits with her. She would smile and laugh and play with me and bring me such joy and pleasantness to bleak and difficult days.
 |
| They let me set up N.'s playpen in my room at the hospital. She didn't particularly like being cooped up, but it was so nice to have her around. |
A. was also wonderful. Even though he was working for the majority of my hospitalization, he visited me as often as he could, made me laugh and held me while I cried. I couldn't have done it without him. I wonder what the nurses thought of our family's dynamics, though, because whenever A. was around my mom and baby weren't, and whenever they were at the hospital, A. wasn't. Trust me, we all get along great - it was just a bit of a a scheduling nightmare.
I talked to my siblings and my dad a lot during that time. They prayed for me and read to me and distracted me when I was at the edge of anxiety or bored out of my mind. I also got texts, well-wishes and prayers from all of my in-laws. I'm so blessed to have married into such a wonderful family. They were all so encouraging and hopeful. A friend who had also suffered through PPD came to visit me, and my best friend called from Oxford to see how I was doing. Being at the hospital was so hard, but I was also so encouraged by everyone around me.
There's so much more I could talk about: Specific things people said or did that were helpful, things that I learned about myself, verses that were particularly encouraging, and ways I learned to help manage my depression. So I will continue to try to put these in writing, as I have time. For now though, I think my baby might be waking up from her nap.
No comments:
Post a Comment